Category Archives: introduction

Alright, I Cry, OK?

I am a man of the 21st century, and of the Aquarian age. So, what, you ask?  So….I am one of the emotionally available men who sometimes cries at movies. Well, a lot of the time…OK, dammit, most of the time. There, are you happy, you got me to publically admit that I bawl like a freakin’ baby!

In this screwed-up society we live in, it is frowned upon and considered a weakness in men for them to express their emotions unless it is a “manly” emotion such as anger. Violence is built in to the fabric of our society. Although, in my lifetime I have thankfully seen many of the idiotic ways of society begin to change for the better, there is still so very far to go. The emotional availability which allows a man to cry at movies (or anytime) is actually a strength, not a weakness. Many of us were taught as children that men should not show their emotions in public, or ever.  I am afraid that an inability to share their feelings and emotions has damaged more than a few marriages.

Unfortunately, many men, and some women, still have the emotional IQ of a peanut!

When I cry at movies, it is NOT usually the tragic parts that get to me. I cry when I see great beauty expressed on film. That beauty can come in many forms like nobility, honor, extreme vulnerability, or yes, even sadness. I will discuss a few of the movies that really do it for me.

First, “Tears of the Sun”, where Lt. A.K. Waters (Bruce Willis), at the end of the movie, is being thanked by a Nigerian woman for ignoring his orders, and instead saves a group of civilian people from “ethnic cleansing”, including the young king who is the true heir to the role being stolen by political power-seekers. The beauty of choosing right over wrong, at extreme personal cost, is something that makes my heart cheer for joy, and my eyes melt like the wicked witch in the “Wizard of Oz” (another movie which also makes me cry).

Then there is the movie, “Meet Joe Black” (spoiler alert!). Bill Parrish (Anthony Hopkins), a rich and successful businessman, finds that he is going to die at the end of his 65th birthday party, and he is thinking about what his life, friends, and family have meant to him. Unlike many of the greedy and self-absorbed rich bastards, he has held on to his high standard, and kept his great honor. Towards the end of the movie, his daughter, excellently played by Claire Forlani, realizes that she is about to lose her father forever. Even though nothing about death is ever said between them, the daughter gives her father an incredibly fond farewell. The beauty of the immense love and respect between father and daughter is so compelling and heartwrenching that any sensitive person will be brought to tears.

And who can NOT cry during the magnificent “The Lord of the Rings” movies. The first movie, ” The Fellowship of the Ring”, where Sam risks drowning rather than being separated from his Frodo, and gives a little speech about not being forced to abandon Frodo after giving his word to watch over him and stay by his side, exhibits the beauty of loyalty and friendship. This is just one of several places in the trilogy of movies where I break down, and can no longer hold back the torrent of emotional tears.

The best place comes at the end of “The Return of the King”. The beauty of humility meets the beauty of personal courage and sacrifice in a combination which tears my heart wide open. It is the point at which Aragorn, the newly crowned king, humbles himself to bow down to the courage, honor, and self-sacrifice of the common little Hobbits, which makes all the difference in the horrendous fight between….?……you guessed it, good and evil, again, always. I can’t even write about this part without crying, which is currently wetting my keyboard.

Yes, it is the beauty of nobility, honor, sacrifice, and love which bring me to tears in very many movies. If anyone wants to brand me as being weak because of that, well fuck’em. At least I am capable of expressing MY feelings, and I am not emotionally repressed or unavailable. So there you have it, my confession of the day.

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A Self-Analysis

I have described myself on the “About” page of my Blog, but I want to add a little more depth regarding my personality and thinking processes. There are multiple sides to my personality; the serious side, the loving side, and the snarktankerous side. Yes, I believe “snarktankerous is the “perfect” word to describe that way in which I present my frustrations or opinions about others, the world, governments, politics, and many other things. If you have read several of my other blog posts, you already know what I am talking about! The more spiritual posts, however showcase my more serious side, and also some of the loving, compassionate side of my character.

On one hand:

I am a cranky and cantankerous (snarktankerous), sarcastic, cynical, skeptical, stubborn, ornery, grouchy, grumpy, old bear growling in pain and anguish, disappointment, disillusionment, and hopelessness.

On the other:

I am sweet, kind, gentle, loving, affectionate, open, honest, giving, generous, compassionate, and magic when it comes to romance!  Yes, I accept it as true about the romance stuff.  I totally base it directly on the first-hand comments of satisfied customers.   8*)

On my third hand (ya, strange, I know):

I am a very serious person, and contemplate the deeper aspects of God and life. I have little time or patience for silliness or partying. I am very sensual in bed. My greatest joy is to be passionately, sensually, tenderly loving and sexual with a woman I care deeply about. This is when the sacred experience of two becoming one can be experienced first hand, the most magical act through which humans can get a glimpse of the future “conscious” union between God and human. This is the great “promise” that the rainbow signifies, that ultimate conscious reunion of humanity and their God. This is the original promise given to Noah in the Bible.

Who I am really deep inside is related to my sun sign, Virgo, but how I express that is related to my rising sign, or ascendant, Scorpio.

I am the “Hermit” (Tarot card related to Virgo), which carries with it a very serious responsibility, to give a helping hand to those who are less far along the path of enlightenment. I take this responsibility seriously. My external facade seems sometimes rough or gruff, but at the same time, in such a way as to be humorous, such that people readily understand the truly loving person behind the grouchy exterior. The wise and strict headmaster, who everyone knows is really a teddy bear inside, who loves them dearly.

This is exactly why we so love the great wizard characters in “Harry Potter”, and “The Lord of the Rings”. That’s very much like how I am. The great acts of wizards, their magic, relies on the transformative power of “Death” (Tarot card related to Scorpio). I express my responsibility to others through the power of transformation. What better tool of transformation than the power to gently lead or teach others a different and better way to be and live? This is my magic according to Astrology and Tarot which are also part of who I am.

Now, on the thinking process side of my mind:

I have found that I think much more slowly than most people. This is definitely true in conversation mode for me. Most people seem to have a constant stream of trivial crap perpetually ready and waiting to spew forth from their mouths. I, OTOH (On The Other Hand), have an impossible time trying to break into a conversation which never seems to have a break. While others are busy talking, I am formulating a thought I would like to share about something important to me, or related to the conversation. Many times, I never get to share that thought, and the moment is over, the conversation moves onward….without me. After years of frustration, I just stopped trying to formulate ideas, or even trying to attempt to join a conversation. I have a new theory for why I think the way I do.

I have been wondering if I might be slightly autistic. I don’t know if this is even possible. I have always been a daydreamer, especially when bored with whatever is going on (which is a lot of the time), which at one point was diagnosed as ADD (of the inattentive variety, no hyperactivity here!).

I am the type of person who boils everything down into its essence, and summarizes and conceptualizes subjects, so I tend to be more concise in my writing rather than verbose. That is part of what makes my mind different from most. I have observed that most people remember a whole lot of details, like what they ate for breakfast the previous day, or the make, model, and purchase date of their first car. I promptly forget details almost the minute I am finished with them, and only remember that I DID eat breakfast, because that is the important essence of what I need to remember. As far as I am concerned, what is already in my stomach is useless trivia. What is done, is done. I am the worst person on the planet at any kind of trivia or guessing game, even charades! The answers just are non-existent in my brain. I absolutely hated history, especially filling my brain with useless names and dates. Even when we know the past, we still end up repeating all the mistakes anyway, constantly, so why pretend that we learn anything from other’s past mistakes in the first place? Every one of us is insistent on learning everything the hard way – just look at how well children listen to their parents! Hehe (how well did YOU listen to your parents, huh!?).

I make a good generalist because I can remember the important highlights and summaries of lots of different subjects; I am wildly (and widely) eclectic. The specialist, OTOH, remembers large amounts of details about a more limited field of interest. I can see the need for both types, but in my own experience, I have run across so many more people who love the details, and can remember events, places, names, TV stars, movies, music groups, the individual members of those groups, their birthdays…..the list goes on and on. These details are all the things my mind does NOT have in it. I did not memorize the quadratic equation in grade school, instead, I remembered the theory behind it, and could re-derive the equation from “a” squared, plus “b” squared equals “c” squared, which was much easier to remember. I actually did the derivation during more than one test. I was really proud that I could do that. Most other people would be like, “why don’t you just memorize the fucking equation?”. That is just the way my mind works, on the summary and essence of what is really important. Weird, I know. I am wondering if there are any others out there who have experienced the same phenomenon? The important characteristic it gives me is that I think long and hard on things, even though it makes my mind appear slower to others, especially in conversations. I think slowly, but well, and thoroughly. I pay attention to details as I need to, and dump the details when I am through with them, have written them down, or have used them in whatever project or idea I am contemplating.

Like it or not, this is all ME. Thank you for reading (if you managed to get this far)! Now that I have written this, and backed it up, I can promptly forget all about it, except for the fact that I wrote an involved post regarding my character and thinking processes, which I can always consult if I ever want to remember the details of this self-analysis.  8^)

Let Me Introduce You to My Kitties

These furry little creatures are part of my immediate family. They chose me, and have the run of the house, for the most part. I still do not let them sleep with me, mainly because I believe they would wake me at times I do not want to be awakened. Maybe someday this will change. I know that when I sleep sitting up on the couch (because I was too tired, or lazy to actually make it to the bedroom) they sleep with me, and do not seem to bother me.

But let me get to the introductions…

HOLLY

One of my girls...
One of my girls…
What she does best...
What she does best…

Holly is the lethargic one.  Not much bothers her.  She is the kind of cat that children could pick up, mess with, dress up, and manipulate as though she were a dancing puppet, without her fighting them or trying to get away.  She has about 5 minutes a day of running around like a bat out of… well, you get the picture.  This is her the rest of the day.  She is a slow and fussy eater.

GYPSY

My other girl...
My other girl…
One of her favorite spots...
One of her favorite spots…

This is Gypsy, a very loving and affectionate kitty.  She is the nervous fraidy cat of the two.  Where Holly is docile most of the time, Gypsy is the one jumping at any little sound, rooting out the least little bug, playing it to death, and jumping any time you touch her when she is not looking.  She loves to lick my fingers (mostly after I have eaten, before washing my hands).  She has always scarfed down her food in record time as if she had been starved as a youngling (and possibly she was neglected).  Actually, she was driven to a cat shelter, and abandoned in the parking lot, presumably because they were full and not accepting new cats at the time.  But the people at the shelter saw what happened, coaxed her from behind the wheel of a parked car, and took her in anyway, and now she is mine.

PALS

Spooning...
Spooning…
Sleeping, ya a lot...
Sleeping, ya a lot…
Gazing sweetly into each others' eyes...
Gazing sweetly into each others’ eyes…
At least Gypsy is paying attention...
At least Gypsy is paying attention…
Eating...
Eating…

When they are hungry (usually starting about 30 minutes BEFORE their normal feeding time), they jump up on the couch, rub against me, and sit staring at me until I give in and feed them.

And occasionally they are awake at the same time...
And occasionally they are awake at the same time…

They may not be the most exciting cats; they run and play like crazy about 5-10 minutes a day, they eat, they sleep, they poop, and can be annoying when they do things they KNOW they are not allowed, they get yelled at, they don’t care, and they do what they want regardless, but I love them anyway.  And maybe, in their kitty way, they love me too.

Mark Kagy, Blogger Intro

20150405_102609Who the heck am I, and how can you get in touch with me? Click on the “About” button above. Or, if ya can’t find it, click here:

 https://luvbearlvx.wordpress.com/about/

I am going to attempt to write some blogs, which I hope will ultimately be useful to at least one person out there. I have some ideas, like “how anyone can become a computer user for less than $100”, or “if the occult isn’t satanic, then how’s come it got so misunderstood?”, or even “what is the meaning of life”? Now keep in mind, I am just your normal (?) techie type, not a writer, not a pro, but just an everyday “Joe” who doesn’t know a lot about blogging, or HTML/XML, or whatever. But even then, maybe I can contribute something helpful or useful back to the society that has nurtured me all my life; whether I wanted it to, or not…