Cats at the shelter are stressed, don’t eat right, and may have come from abusive homes. But just get them into a safe, calm, loving environment, and they perk up, and plump up just fine. See what a little love (and good food) can do?!
Gypsy is loyal to a fault….
Now, this is what Love is all about!
As I approach the contraband laying on the floor in front of my favorite couch, I glance over at my kitties. The guilty one is slowly slinking away with tail towards the floor. Without a single word, I have found the guilty party. I, of course, already knew this. As cat owners, we all know who is guilty of what. We know their personalities, their habits, their likes, and dislikes. I know which cat (Gypsy) gets in the trash at night, and which one puts her toys in the water bowl (Gypsy), and who sneaks into the window curtains at night while I am asleep (both, but more Holly, and I can tell by which vertical blinds are pushed aside – they each have a particular spot), and which lady shits outside the box in protest (Holly; Gypsy actually goes behind Holly, and finishes the job of excrement coverage that Holly only gave paw-service to). Yes, as cat people, we know who does what.
My downstairs trash can has (“Incorrect verb form after modal”, Fuck You, Grammar Nazi!) a rectangular piece of heavy cardboard, molded into a kind of garden planter shape. It was part of the packing material from some computer equipment package or another……..probably. It is exactly the proper size, when fitted upside-down inside the trash can, to snuggly fit inside, and bar access to the mostly paper and plastic trash hiding underneath. Cats, being the resourceful and sneaky little bastards they are, and Gypsy, an excellent example of the type, find such things to be a challenge to be overcome, rather than a “KEEP PAWS OUT!” sign. Today it was a piece of cellophane, you know, the kind you pull off the outside of a new CD or DVD to get to the goods inside. Cats just love this stuff. The noise it makes while they pounce and chew only adds to their kitty-pleasure as they attack and destroy their hated foe. To get at this little “toy”, I found that Gypsy had totally turned the blocking-block of cardboard upside-down, still resting inside the trash can. I suppose she thought to hide the deed by not overturning the can, and by not digging the block completely out of the can. But she failed to hide the plastic itself which was the real giveaway.
Yes, cats are much smarter and more resourceful than given credit for in the public eye. I had taken to hiding the paper bag of cat food in the closet so that the little critters would not tear into the bag and spill cat food all over creation (my closet floor). Now this closet, has the type of doors which fold onto themselves accordion style, and to the side when pulled from the center. You know the type. Thankfully one day, I spied Gypsy (yes, the naughtiest of the two) carefully reach her little white paw easily beneath the center of said door, and proceed to pull outward, opening the door. Arrrgh, next I had to add a heavy weight in front of the center of the door, to keep them (you know who “them” are) from opening the door to the fascinating closet in which resides the desirable bag of cat food.
I have one of those plastic tubs, the kind you can get a gallon of ice cream in, from the grocery. They are perfect for keeping dry cat food fresh, with a tight-fitting lid…air tight. One morning I arose to an aborted attempt to get at the cat food. somehow they had managed to get the lid off, and push the container off the counter and onto the floor. Now, it wasn’t quite the mess you would expect. Somehow, God only knows, the tub ended up upside-down on the kitchen floor, on an area rug in front of the sink. All of the dry cat food was still inside the container, and resting on the rug, with not a single crumb outside the tub (or maybe they ate all the ones that were). BUT…………………………………..this was not their last attempt.
I keep the tub towards the back of the counter, kinda in a corner. One day, they managed to pull the tub out from the counter. Then, they very carefully extracted the lid, and very neatly laid it upside-down on the counter behind the tub.
I am sure they had a feast that night!
Damn nosy-naughty-obstinate-stubborn-smartass-resourceful-stomach-driven-cute-little-furballs, full of headaches, fun, surprises, and even grudging shows of affection. They manage to show just the right amount of love and innocence needed, to keep you from being mad at them for more than a millisecond. Don’t try to tell me cats are not smart! They know exactly how to emotionally manipulate their “human’s” to get exactly what they want (which, not surprisingly, is mostly always FOOD).
I growl and complain,
but love them just the same.
They know exactly when to crawl onto your lap, purr, and knead your leg (painfully), while manipulating and seducing you into scratching behind their ears, and with half-closed eyes, give a purrrrfect impression of a little companion who loves, adores, and desperately needs your love, affection, and attention – mostly in the kitchen.
No, don’t tell me cats are not freakin’ smart!
I am just in a freakin’ weird mood today. It all started with a simple thought, “I wish I could draw”. Now before y’all (break out a little Ohio hillbilly here) get excited and try to talk me into believing that anyone can draw, let me tell you something. I think it might have something to do with the MMN (Multifocal Motor Neuropathy) I have, but even as a young teenager at church camp, girls standing next to me were asking why I was shaking. A the time, of course, I had my arms around the waists of two lovely girls – one on each side (you know, boy-girl-boy-girl…). Hey, it was a liberal church camp in the early 70’s and peace, love, and flower children still had a place in society. But anyway, seriously, I cannot draw a simple circle that looks anything like a circle. Now, if I had been trying to draw a lopsided egg with acne, it might have worked. I can’t draw a straight line without curves, bumps, and little jerky things all over it. I just don’t have any steadiness at all in my muscles. NO, it is not a matter of seeing what I want to draw, I can see it fine, hitting the mark is the problem. After all these years, I STILL cannot color within the lines. Thank God for paint programs with bucket-fill.
Well, this led to the next thought of “what would you do if you could draw?”. This is where it gets weird.
I would draw a picture of a cat (bring cats into the mix and you always have a winner) spread-eagle on the glass of a copy machine, and call it…………”catscan”.
How about a cat sitting in the business end of a drawn slingshot…………….”catapult”.
One we have all seen numerous times before, a scene having similarities to a room hit by a tornado, with a couple of cats lookin’ all “What, I didn’t see nothin'” like the sneaky little bastards thought you would miss the double negative there. Of course, what else could it be but……………”catastrophe”.
WARNING: Those troubled by violent graphic images should just skip this one. A mangled up and bloody mess of a cat along the side of the road………..”category”.
Stop me anytime, I could keep doing this all day…
A cat in motion on its hind legs…………”catwalk”.
A cat at a desk in spectacles, writing in a ledger………….”catalog”.
Some words need no picture, like “catnap”, “catfight”, “caterwaul”, “catnip”, “cattiness”….we ALL know why THEY start with “cat”.
A circle of cats surrounding a tall slender stone monument, a spiritual symbol of feline “catechism”…………..”caterpillar”.
A cat’s claws firmly entrenched in a woman’s long flowing hair, slowly sliding towards the ground, as gravity exerts its inevitable force,………..”catacomb”.
OK, enough, enough, my head is about to explosively catabolize, resulting in a personal cataclysm, or send me running for Catatmandu (cat spelling of Katmandu) for some seriously needed R & R.
So, that is why I wish I could draw.
See: “The Hunting of the Snark”, Poem by Lewis Carroll
NOTE: many of these words are not mine (at least I would HIGHLY doubt that MY twisted mind was the first to conceive of such words. However, I can see why someone would not want to take credit for inventing said words)! Although, even though I do not have any objective proof, I do believe at least SOME of them to be my originals…or not. That said, I freely give the World complete rights to use any of them, at any time, for any crazy, stupid reason, whatsoever (even the Ministry of Silly Walks), completely royalty free (with exception, of course, of any which have already been copyrighted, of which I am not aware, except for “snark” attributable to the poem mentioned above). Please note all the legal fine print, and read very carefully, embedded in the period at the end of this sentence.
PLEASE feel free to comment, add more words to the repertoire, or generally be snarky. Oh, and don’t forget to like this post, if it tickled your funny bone…or not…
The purpose of this snark hunt is to answer the age-old question:
Which word is now the most versatile in the English (well, American) language, “shit” or “snark”?
All due respect, and honor, to the late George Carlin.
Some aspects of the new Snarkdom:
Descriptive words (or nouns, adjectives, adverbs, participles…actually, any parts of speech):
snarky, snarkily, snarkish, snarkiness, ubersnark,
snarkor, snarker, snarkette, snarkess, snarkerino,
snarking (Oh, this could mean lots of things…how the mind spins with possibilities)
snarked in the ass, (this is NOT sexist, everyone has an asshole, and many people ARE assholes)
snitch (gives new meaning to the word)
snark on a bun, snark on a stick, just snark it, snark ‘n spin, just snark it up,
snarknificant to the conversation
ambisnarkterous, snarkelicious, snarkological, snarkegory(-ical), snarkology, snarkophobia, adiposnark, snarktainment,
snarkapade, (“Frodo, my boy, I think it’s time for a new”)snarkventure, snarkepreneur, snarktaneous, snarktankerous (this is me fo’ sho),
Snark Monsters (not to be confused with the “Monster of Snark”):
grendesnark, snarkopturus, Tyrannosnark Sex, Raptorsnark, snarkopods,
snarkopotamus, elesnark, snarkedary, snarkfish,
snog (no offense to snogging)(relative of both dog and frog, breeching both worlds),
cats (sorry, snarkiness already comes built-in pre-snarkaged, “cat” and “snark” are synonymous)
murfsnark (small and mostly blueish)
sinnful snuggle snark (very dangerous sex toy)
Let’s go to a Medieval snarkall with Count Snark, Sir Snarkalot, Guinsnarkevere, Gwendelsnark, and etc….
Computers and Internet:
Streaming Snarkiness Channels:
Meer-snark, Ustrnark or just Usnark, Streas.nark, Snarkulu, Netsnark, Snarkeo, Snarkcafe, Veetsnark, LiveSnark, SnarkStream, Bambusnark, SnarkNow, SnarkCast, Perrosnark….
Snarky Social Media:
Snarktwit, Facesnark, Snoogle+, YouSnark, Flicksnark, Snarksquare or Foursnark, Snapsnark, Linkedsnark, Snarkerest, Instasnark,
Snarkelicious Dating Sites:
Snarkmatch, Plenty of Snark (POS), OKSnarky (OKS), Snarkindr, Snarkarmony, OurSnark, Zoosnark, Young Russian Snarks,
Snarkish Musical Genres:
bluesnark, snark & roll, popsnark (not to be confused with the breakfast food),
snarktown, snark&B, snarkpera, snarkibilly,
A Snarking we will Go,
A Snarking we will Go….
“Snark Me Baby, One More Time” (my fav)
Snarkington, Snarkville, Deutschsnark, Snarkfrica, snarkussia, snarkland (also a theme park), Snarkopolis,
Britsnark, asiansnark, Eurosnark, blacksnark, whitesnark, dark-brownish-suntanned-snark, redsnark, LGBTsnark, Lesbisnark, femminisnark, Pinksnark, (who haven’t I offended yet? Oh, wait…)
Buddisnark, Snark Yoga, Hindi Snark, Tao Snark, Christi-snark(Christark), Snarklam, Judasnark…
As it is written, “When two or more snarkers are gathered together snarktaneously, in the name of Snark, they share an unexpected, snarkous snarkendipity”, so it is said, so shall it be done!
Now I really need to attend a Snarkaholics Anonymous (Snarkanon) meeting!!!
So, which word wins? to “shit” or to “snark”, that is the question?
These furry little creatures are part of my immediate family. They chose me, and have the run of the house, for the most part. I still do not let them sleep with me, mainly because I believe they would wake me at times I do not want to be awakened. Maybe someday this will change. I know that when I sleep sitting up on the couch (because I was too tired, or lazy to actually make it to the bedroom) they sleep with me, and do not seem to bother me.
But let me get to the introductions…
Holly is the lethargic one. Not much bothers her. She is the kind of cat that children could pick up, mess with, dress up, and manipulate as though she were a dancing puppet, without her fighting them or trying to get away. She has about 5 minutes a day of running around like a bat out of… well, you get the picture. This is her the rest of the day. She is a slow and fussy eater.
This is Gypsy, a very loving and affectionate kitty. She is the nervous fraidy cat of the two. Where Holly is docile most of the time, Gypsy is the one jumping at any little sound, rooting out the least little bug, playing it to death, and jumping any time you touch her when she is not looking. She loves to lick my fingers (mostly after I have eaten, before washing my hands). She has always scarfed down her food in record time as if she had been starved as a youngling (and possibly she was neglected). Actually, she was driven to a cat shelter, and abandoned in the parking lot, presumably because they were full and not accepting new cats at the time. But the people at the shelter saw what happened, coaxed her from behind the wheel of a parked car, and took her in anyway, and now she is mine.
When they are hungry (usually starting about 30 minutes BEFORE their normal feeding time), they jump up on the couch, rub against me, and sit staring at me until I give in and feed them.
They may not be the most exciting cats; they run and play like crazy about 5-10 minutes a day, they eat, they sleep, they poop, and can be annoying when they do things they KNOW they are not allowed, they get yelled at, they don’t care, and they do what they want regardless, but I love them anyway. And maybe, in their kitty way, they love me too.