Tag Archives: funny

MATHEMATICIANS PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER

I am fascinated by interesting numbers, like the “Golden Proportion”, or ratio.  However, in researching the number phi φ, or Phi Φ, I have found the usage of these Greek characters, in mathematics, to be completely confused and inconsistent.  Sometimes they are BOTH used to represent the number 1.618…, the Golden Mean, Golden ratio, Golden Proportion, Golden Egg (popped out by the Golden Goose).  Sometimes one (OR the other) is used to represent the “golden ratio conjugate”, or 0.618…  Please, mathematicians, get your act together, and settle on one usage or another, but please be consistent!

Lenny (Leonardo Fibonacci) is probably rollin’ in his grave over this! (purely conjecture on my part – don’t ask me for a “proof”).

I propose that it is logical for (capital) Phi, Φ, to symbolize the Golden Proportion, 1.618…, and (small) phi, φ, to symbolize 0.618… That makes perfect sense in mathematical terms, doesn’t it?  Since 0.618… is the smaller number (and geometrically the smaller portion, 0.618…, usually added to 1 to get the larger golden proportion, 1.618…)?  Quit confusing young, budding mathematicians with inconsistent usage.  On some sites, I have seen the usage confused on the SAME website, and sometimes in the same sentence (or maybe I just imagined that last one).

Don’t ask me for references, I don’t have the energy right now.  Just “Google” it and you will quickly see what I am talking about.

“Rant for the day”.

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DINNER PRAYER FOR FAT FOLKS, LIKE ME

Fire, water, air, and Earth,
I invoke ye now to reduce my Girth.
Let the food which Nourisheth Me
offereth forth Divine Energy,
that I shall fill with Magical Power,
expand my Spiritual Strength this hour.

Let all Excess leave my Bod,
Leaving only what is Good,
for my Fitness and my Health
and Generous Riches –
Bless my Food.

ARE YOU AN AVID CARDBOARD BOX COLLECTOR?

If you are anything like me (God forbid), then you have many empty cardboard boxes just laying around unused.  Especially now with eBay and Amazon, I have a ton of the cutest little boxes you have ever seen.  Who can stand to just throw them out?  Why, someday I might need to store something in one of them, indeed, I already have.  In fact, when I go looking through boxes of stuff looking for something specific, it’s almost like Christmas again!  I find things I didn’t remember having.  In fact, I wonder if some boxes got mixed up in a prior move, since I don’t remember ever seeing their contents before.

After all. I need to keep a variety of sizes, since I don’t know what I will need.  Who knows when I might need to move to a new place, and this would save me from having to buy boxes just to pack up stuff (that costs money).  It is easier to just throw them into a corner than to actually get out the knife, break them down, and throw them into the recycle bin (to do that, I usually need to cut them into smaller pieces to get them to fit).  That’s just a lot of heavy work, so into the corner they go.

Well, never fear, I have found a great use for a number of them!  You know, those old aluminum windows that leak like a sieve (what’s a sieve? What are you, a millennial?  No, millennials most definitely KNOW how to use Google.  Google it, for God’s sake!)?  Well, it started out that the light downstairs (in my lower-level mancave), where all my entertainment equipment, computers, and workshop reside, was too bright, and it glared off the TV screen.  Well, I fixed that problem up right quick.

Lately, with the unseasonable cold temperatures, combined with the leakiness of my old windows, got me to worrying about my heating costs (gotta save as much as possible when it doesn’t stretch like it used to stretch).  It just so happens that cardboard makes really good insulation.  Yup, a couple rolls of duck tape, and some scissors will clear that problem up good!  It is a heck of a lot easier to install than that plastic stuff you shrink with a hair dryer – you know the stuff.  Did I mention that the plastic stuff costs MONEY, and does nothing to solve the glaring light problem.  Now, the neighbors might wonder if I have moved out and boarded up the windows, but who cares about neighbors anymore anyway.

So, hopefully, it will help with the heating bills this winter, which might be a doozy thanks to the weather patterns being screwed all to hell by global warming, which many political bigots…oops, I mean big shots (damn computer…hehe), keep refusing even exists, because, ya know, DONORS, MONEY, POWER.  If cardboard is good enough for the homeless, it’s good enough for me! Remember…

Ya might be an Ohio Hillbilly if…

Why Are We Always Saying Such Dumb Things?

Like “dumb shit”. Yes, I have yet to hear shit say anything.  It IS pretty dumb.   Thanks for pointing out the obvious. The one I happen to be thinking about at the moment is “stupid-ass” or “stupid-ass’d”. I don’t know how to take that one. If someone says to me I am a stupid-ass, they are falsely assuming that my brains “should” be located in my posterior, rather than my head, and then complaining that they are not. And trying to call me a farm animal too. Personally, I am pleased that my brains are in my head and not my ass. So is that really a complement? More likely someone was not listening in anatomy class. Get your head out of your ass, people (as if that were really possible in the first place). So much of our conversation really says nothing, so I guess most of what we say is really “dumb” after all.

Of course, I have said nothing at all about “why” we say such things so often.  I guess it is just an “ape beating on its chest” kind of thing, to get attention, or to hear ourselves speak.  That is probably why I am writing this blog…

A Self-Analysis

I have described myself on the “About” page of my Blog, but I want to add a little more depth regarding my personality and thinking processes. There are multiple sides to my personality; the serious side, the loving side, and the snarktankerous side. Yes, I believe “snarktankerous is the “perfect” word to describe that way in which I present my frustrations or opinions about others, the world, governments, politics, and many other things. If you have read several of my other blog posts, you already know what I am talking about! The more spiritual posts, however showcase my more serious side, and also some of the loving, compassionate side of my character.

On one hand:

I am a cranky and cantankerous (snarktankerous), sarcastic, cynical, skeptical, stubborn, ornery, grouchy, grumpy, old bear growling in pain and anguish, disappointment, disillusionment, and hopelessness.

On the other:

I am sweet, kind, gentle, loving, affectionate, open, honest, giving, generous, compassionate, and magic when it comes to romance!  Yes, I accept it as true about the romance stuff.  I totally base it directly on the first-hand comments of satisfied customers.   8*)

On my third hand (ya, strange, I know):

I am a very serious person, and contemplate the deeper aspects of God and life. I have little time or patience for silliness or partying. I am very sensual in bed. My greatest joy is to be passionately, sensually, tenderly loving and sexual with a woman I care deeply about. This is when the sacred experience of two becoming one can be experienced first hand, the most magical act through which humans can get a glimpse of the future “conscious” union between God and human. This is the great “promise” that the rainbow signifies, that ultimate conscious reunion of humanity and their God. This is the original promise given to Noah in the Bible.

Who I am really deep inside is related to my sun sign, Virgo, but how I express that is related to my rising sign, or ascendant, Scorpio.

I am the “Hermit” (Tarot card related to Virgo), which carries with it a very serious responsibility, to give a helping hand to those who are less far along the path of enlightenment. I take this responsibility seriously. My external facade seems sometimes rough or gruff, but at the same time, in such a way as to be humorous, such that people readily understand the truly loving person behind the grouchy exterior. The wise and strict headmaster, who everyone knows is really a teddy bear inside, who loves them dearly.

This is exactly why we so love the great wizard characters in “Harry Potter”, and “The Lord of the Rings”. That’s very much like how I am. The great acts of wizards, their magic, relies on the transformative power of “Death” (Tarot card related to Scorpio). I express my responsibility to others through the power of transformation. What better tool of transformation than the power to gently lead or teach others a different and better way to be and live? This is my magic according to Astrology and Tarot which are also part of who I am.

Now, on the thinking process side of my mind:

I have found that I think much more slowly than most people. This is definitely true in conversation mode for me. Most people seem to have a constant stream of trivial crap perpetually ready and waiting to spew forth from their mouths. I, OTOH (On The Other Hand), have an impossible time trying to break into a conversation which never seems to have a break. While others are busy talking, I am formulating a thought I would like to share about something important to me, or related to the conversation. Many times, I never get to share that thought, and the moment is over, the conversation moves onward….without me. After years of frustration, I just stopped trying to formulate ideas, or even trying to attempt to join a conversation. I have a new theory for why I think the way I do.

I have been wondering if I might be slightly autistic. I don’t know if this is even possible. I have always been a daydreamer, especially when bored with whatever is going on (which is a lot of the time), which at one point was diagnosed as ADD (of the inattentive variety, no hyperactivity here!).

I am the type of person who boils everything down into its essence, and summarizes and conceptualizes subjects, so I tend to be more concise in my writing rather than verbose. That is part of what makes my mind different from most. I have observed that most people remember a whole lot of details, like what they ate for breakfast the previous day, or the make, model, and purchase date of their first car. I promptly forget details almost the minute I am finished with them, and only remember that I DID eat breakfast, because that is the important essence of what I need to remember. As far as I am concerned, what is already in my stomach is useless trivia. What is done, is done. I am the worst person on the planet at any kind of trivia or guessing game, even charades! The answers just are non-existent in my brain. I absolutely hated history, especially filling my brain with useless names and dates. Even when we know the past, we still end up repeating all the mistakes anyway, constantly, so why pretend that we learn anything from other’s past mistakes in the first place? Every one of us is insistent on learning everything the hard way – just look at how well children listen to their parents! Hehe (how well did YOU listen to your parents, huh!?).

I make a good generalist because I can remember the important highlights and summaries of lots of different subjects; I am wildly (and widely) eclectic. The specialist, OTOH, remembers large amounts of details about a more limited field of interest. I can see the need for both types, but in my own experience, I have run across so many more people who love the details, and can remember events, places, names, TV stars, movies, music groups, the individual members of those groups, their birthdays…..the list goes on and on. These details are all the things my mind does NOT have in it. I did not memorize the quadratic equation in grade school, instead, I remembered the theory behind it, and could re-derive the equation from “a” squared, plus “b” squared equals “c” squared, which was much easier to remember. I actually did the derivation during more than one test. I was really proud that I could do that. Most other people would be like, “why don’t you just memorize the fucking equation?”. That is just the way my mind works, on the summary and essence of what is really important. Weird, I know. I am wondering if there are any others out there who have experienced the same phenomenon? The important characteristic it gives me is that I think long and hard on things, even though it makes my mind appear slower to others, especially in conversations. I think slowly, but well, and thoroughly. I pay attention to details as I need to, and dump the details when I am through with them, have written them down, or have used them in whatever project or idea I am contemplating.

Like it or not, this is all ME. Thank you for reading (if you managed to get this far)! Now that I have written this, and backed it up, I can promptly forget all about it, except for the fact that I wrote an involved post regarding my character and thinking processes, which I can always consult if I ever want to remember the details of this self-analysis.  8^)

“Pop Goes The Ringtone”

Your phone is ringin’
off the hook,
it’s prolly just a scammer.
They’ll steal your cash
so if you’re an ass,
pick up the freakin’ phone.

Your phone is ringin’,
it’s prolly your boss,
you’re suppoz’ta be at work,
but you, dumbhead,
are still in the bed.
Get the freakin’ phone.

The phone is ringin’
off the hook,
but who could it be?
Maybe your friend
wants more money again.
Answer the freakin’ phone.

The phone’s goin’ crazy,
but who could it be?
It says an “unknown number”.
So grow a pair,
and if you dare,
answer the freakin’ phone.

The phone is ringin’,
it’s probably your mom;
she wants to talk your ass off.
Hour ‘n’ a half,
she still wants to yack.
Pick up the freakin’ phone.

 

Coming soon in a “.mp3”.  I have the “R”-rated nasty version.  8*)

You think my artwork is so bad that it’s funny, you should hear me sing this little ditty!  Yes, “I”, a 56-year old man, drew the weasel….Don’t make fun of me!  I don’t have a young kid to do it for me!  That’s the best I can manage…