# Tag Archives: humor

I am fascinated by interesting numbers, like the “Golden Proportion”, or ratio.  However, in researching the number phi φ, or Phi Φ, I have found the usage of these Greek characters, in mathematics, to be completely confused and inconsistent.  Sometimes they are BOTH used to represent the number 1.618…, the Golden Mean, Golden ratio, Golden Proportion, Golden Egg (popped out by the Golden Goose).  Sometimes one (OR the other) is used to represent the “golden ratio conjugate”, or 0.618…  Please, mathematicians, get your act together, and settle on one usage or another, but please be consistent!

Lenny (Leonardo Fibonacci) is probably rollin’ in his grave over this! (purely conjecture on my part – don’t ask me for a “proof”).

I propose that it is logical for (capital) Phi, Φ, to symbolize the Golden Proportion, 1.618…, and (small) phi, φ, to symbolize 0.618… That makes perfect sense in mathematical terms, doesn’t it?  Since 0.618… is the smaller number (and geometrically the smaller portion, 0.618…, usually added to 1 to get the larger golden proportion, 1.618…)?  Quit confusing young, budding mathematicians with inconsistent usage.  On some sites, I have seen the usage confused on the SAME website, and sometimes in the same sentence (or maybe I just imagined that last one).

Don’t ask me for references, I don’t have the energy right now.  Just “Google” it and you will quickly see what I am talking about.

“Rant for the day”.

# Why Are We Always Saying Such Dumb Things?

Like “dumb shit”. Yes, I have yet to hear shit say anything.  It IS pretty dumb.   Thanks for pointing out the obvious. The one I happen to be thinking about at the moment is “stupid-ass” or “stupid-ass’d”. I don’t know how to take that one. If someone says to me I am a stupid-ass, they are falsely assuming that my brains “should” be located in my posterior, rather than my head, and then complaining that they are not. And trying to call me a farm animal too. Personally, I am pleased that my brains are in my head and not my ass. So is that really a complement? More likely someone was not listening in anatomy class. Get your head out of your ass, people (as if that were really possible in the first place). So much of our conversation really says nothing, so I guess most of what we say is really “dumb” after all.

Of course, I have said nothing at all about “why” we say such things so often.  I guess it is just an “ape beating on its chest” kind of thing, to get attention, or to hear ourselves speak.  That is probably why I am writing this blog…

# I Wish I Could Draw

I am just in a freakin’ weird mood today. It all started with a simple thought, “I wish I could draw”. Now before y’all (break out a little Ohio hillbilly here) get excited and try to talk me into believing that anyone can draw, let me tell you something. I think it might have something to do with the MMN (Multifocal Motor Neuropathy) I have, but even as a young teenager at church camp, girls standing next to me were asking why I was shaking. A the time, of course, I had my arms around the waists of two lovely girls – one on each side (you know, boy-girl-boy-girl…). Hey, it was a liberal church camp in the early 70’s and peace, love, and flower children still had a place in society. But anyway, seriously, I cannot draw a simple circle that looks anything like a circle. Now, if I had been trying to draw a lopsided egg with acne, it might have worked. I can’t draw a straight line without curves, bumps, and little jerky things all over it. I just don’t have any steadiness at all in my muscles. NO, it is not a matter of seeing what I want to draw, I can see it fine, hitting the mark is the problem. After all these years, I STILL cannot color within the lines. Thank God for paint programs with bucket-fill.

Well, this led to the next thought of “what would you do if you could draw?”. This is where it gets weird.

I would draw a picture of a cat (bring cats into the mix and you always have a winner) spread-eagle on the glass of a copy machine, and call it…………”catscan”.

How about a cat sitting in the business end of a drawn slingshot…………….”catapult”.

One we have all seen numerous times before, a scene having similarities to a room hit by a tornado, with a couple of cats lookin’ all “What, I didn’t see nothin'” like the sneaky little bastards thought you would miss the double negative there. Of course, what else could it be but……………”catastrophe”.

WARNING: Those troubled by violent graphic images should just skip this one. A mangled up and bloody mess of a cat along the side of the road………..”category”.

Stop me anytime, I could keep doing this all day…

A cat in motion on its hind legs…………”catwalk”.

A cat at a desk in spectacles, writing in a ledger………….”catalog”.

Some words need no picture, like “catnap”, “catfight”, “caterwaul”, “catnip”, “cattiness”….we ALL know why THEY start with “cat”.

A circle of cats surrounding a tall slender stone monument, a spiritual symbol of feline “catechism”…………..”caterpillar”.

A cat’s claws firmly entrenched in a woman’s long flowing hair, slowly sliding towards the ground, as gravity exerts its inevitable force,………..”catacomb”.

OK, enough, enough, my head is about to explosively catabolize, resulting in a personal cataclysm, or send me running for Catatmandu (cat spelling of Katmandu) for some seriously needed   R & R.

So, that is why I wish I could draw.

# The Trouble With Double….Negatives

This is a direct quote off the Internet. Name omitted so as not to publically shame the guilty. This probably is not in good form…but do you think I care? It’s funny…

“Not all of us white men are ignoramus conservitards (myself not included).”

Frankly, I prefer “conservaturds”, but to each her/his own.