Tag Archives: MMN

I Wish I Could Draw

I am just in a freakin’ weird mood today. It all started with a simple thought, “I wish I could draw”. Now before y’all (break out a little Ohio hillbilly here) get excited and try to talk me into believing that anyone can draw, let me tell you something. I think it might have something to do with the MMN (Multifocal Motor Neuropathy) I have, but even as a young teenager at church camp, girls standing next to me were asking why I was shaking. A the time, of course, I had my arms around the waists of two lovely girls – one on each side (you know, boy-girl-boy-girl…). Hey, it was a liberal church camp in the early 70’s and peace, love, and flower children still had a place in society. But anyway, seriously, I cannot draw a simple circle that looks anything like a circle. Now, if I had been trying to draw a lopsided egg with acne, it might have worked. I can’t draw a straight line without curves, bumps, and little jerky things all over it. I just don’t have any steadiness at all in my muscles. NO, it is not a matter of seeing what I want to draw, I can see it fine, hitting the mark is the problem. After all these years, I STILL cannot color within the lines. Thank God for paint programs with bucket-fill.

Well, this led to the next thought of “what would you do if you could draw?”. This is where it gets weird.

I would draw a picture of a cat (bring cats into the mix and you always have a winner) spread-eagle on the glass of a copy machine, and call it…………”catscan”.

How about a cat sitting in the business end of a drawn slingshot…………….”catapult”.

One we have all seen numerous times before, a scene having similarities to a room hit by a tornado, with a couple of cats lookin’ all “What, I didn’t see nothin'” like the sneaky little bastards thought you would miss the double negative there. Of course, what else could it be but……………”catastrophe”.

WARNING: Those troubled by violent graphic images should just skip this one. A mangled up and bloody mess of a cat along the side of the road………..”category”.

Stop me anytime, I could keep doing this all day…

A cat in motion on its hind legs…………”catwalk”.

A cat at a desk in spectacles, writing in a ledger………….”catalog”.

Some words need no picture, like “catnap”, “catfight”, “caterwaul”, “catnip”, “cattiness”….we ALL know why THEY start with “cat”.

A circle of cats surrounding a tall slender stone monument, a spiritual symbol of feline “catechism”…………..”caterpillar”.

A cat’s claws firmly entrenched in a woman’s long flowing hair, slowly sliding towards the ground, as gravity exerts its inevitable force,………..”catacomb”.

OK, enough, enough, my head is about to explosively catabolize, resulting in a personal cataclysm, or send me running for Catatmandu (cat spelling of Katmandu) for some seriously needed   R & R.

So, that is why I wish I could draw.

And occasionally they are awake at the same time...
And occasionally they are awake at the same time…
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My Dire-y 06/03/2015, Pooped

Now that Holly the cat has your attention (cheap trick, I know.  She has absolutely nothing to do with this blog post).

I had a very good, and very tiring day today. I have a good friend that I have seen very seldom, for far too long. We definitely love each other, and each other’s company. Through a set of very unfortunate circumstances, she had to have her left leg amputated. I am sure it has been a terribly rough time for her, readjusting to life in a wheelchair, and learning to use a prosthesis. Right now she can only walk a short distance on it, but is diligently practicing to improve. We are somewhat similar in personality, at least in the fact that we are both intellectual, and snarky….very snarky. In fact, the word snarktankerous very perfectly describes my own personality.

One of the things she does for the pure pleasure of it is gardening, so off to Lowes we went for herbs, pots, and dirt….not just any dirt, but “special” dirt, specifically formulated with the greatest of care to maximize the quality of life for a few lucky plants. These plants should be exceedingly grateful that they are being tended by my long-time friend.

Now, in case you don’t know me from reading my past blog posts, I will tell you that I have a rare disorder which eats up my motor nerves, so I am now much weaker than I should be, and have muscle atrophy as a result. Most of the trouble is in my left hand/arm and right leg. If I fall, I cannot get up unless there is a chair, wall, or other object to grab and push on with my hands/arms because of the weakness of my legs. Also, my left hand is so weak that I have lost probably 85% of its normal function. Oh, and if that isn’t enough, I am extremely fatigued ALL the time. On bad days, I simply don’t have the energy to leave the house, and spend the day sitting on the couch, or sleeping.

Now why have I reminded you of all this? Well, it is relevant to my story, so relax, you will understand in a moment, I promise. Even when I go grocery shopping, by the time I get back home and have put everything in its proper place, it is all I can do to get my clothes changed, and make it to the couch. I am pooped for the rest of the day. So later, when we got back to her place and I had unloaded 4 bags of dirt, carrying them to where they needed to be, I was out of breath and my heart was beating strong and fast, from just that little bit of effort. I get worn out very quickly and easily.

But the story of my day is nowhere near over yet.  Backing up a tad bit…  She also wanted to check out a community center where they have fitness equipment and a huge pool. She has been wanting to swim in the strongest of ways for quite some time. So we got there and checked out the pool which was enormous! There was a water slide along with several sections of poolage which all kinda ran together as one. It was gorgeous! Now, since I am on disability, and have a Humana Medicare plan which will pay for a membership at a fitness place that supports the Silver Sneakers program, AND I had been thinking for a long time about how much I love to be in water….long story short – I now have a completely paid-for (not directly by me) membership. It was her intention from the start to get a membership for herself, so…well…she did. Now this pretty much obligates me to take her there several times a week to swim. Seein’ as how I had been loathe to leave my house ’cause frankly, it just seemed like too damned much effort, I really could use the exercise and the time away from my man-cave. Also considering her need for a driver, it seems like a match made in heaven.  Who knows, maybe I can find a girlfriend there….hey, it could happen.

So, by the time I got back home, I was thoroughly pooped! It was a good day though, with some stimulating discussions. At some point, our snarkiness comes into full play as we lament the sorry state of our beloved government, and its fucking total mismanagement of the country, and total corruption, caused by selfishness, complete disregard for the divinity and sanctity of anyone not in their “club”, and their lust for money. Mostly the latter. Then we move on to snarkin’ about how, after all these millennia, and the social awareness that is present in the minds and hearts of so many people today, could there possibly still exist so many miscreants who are chomping at the bit to kill, torture, rape, enslave, control, and commit violence just for fun (more likely for cash)? We moan about our inability to stop wars, racism, and classism, and promote goodwill and brotherly/sisterly love. We agonize in vain for a way to convince people to simply value ALL human life equally and put an end to heinous animal cruelty, and to the masses of starving human beings (most especially the children), while the selfish “Scrouges” sit pretty in their castles counting out their incredible stash of the world’s money. This most terrible human injustice remains uncorrected while the “Beast” continues to have a field day, actively enslaving all humanity.

Yes, it was a VERY good day!

My Dire-y Blog 05/17/2015, Oops, Fell Again

I had been doing pretty well. I had not fallen in a couple years, but my luck did not hold out. I sort of tripped on one leg of a camera tripod, stumbled a few steps towards my entertainment center, and boom! I landed sort of on my left side and knee with my right arm hitting the entertainment center. It hurt pretty bad for about 10 minutes while I just sat/lay there on the floor. When I felt up to trying to get up off of the floor, I used a Lazy-Boy recliner for leverage and slowly made it to my feet. I have some scrapes on my left elbow and right knee, and my right arm feels like I might have pulled a muscle, but I guess I will be OK. I expect I will hurt more than normal for a few days.

My rare neural disorder, Multifocal Motor Neuropathy (MMN) has killed off many of the nerves in my arms and legs, leaving them all weaker than they should be. My left arm/hand and right leg are especially weak. Without something to lean my arms against, I can no longer stand up from the floor without help. Also, for whatever reason, this disorder has played havoc with my sense of balance so that any slight bump or unexpected dip or rise in the yard, sidewalk, street, etc. is sometimes enough to knock me off my feet. I guess I have gotten used to being so careful walking that I have stayed on my feet for a couple of years. There was a time in the past where I was falling several times a year. Once I even fell down the stairs. Anyway, this is just another aspect of MMN I deal with on a daily basis.

One reason for writing this post is simply to document the occurrence for myself, because otherwise I would forget what happened when. I have started to be more careful about documenting because I know my mind is for sh*t these days. Probably goes along with the severe fatigue and other symptoms I have. Also, there are thousands, maybe millions, of people out there who deal with similar, and worse symptoms of diseases and disorders out there day after day. We never hear about them because they keep to themselves, for the most part, suffering in silence. Normal, healthy people have no clue how many of us have these challenges to cope with every day because they never hear about us. So, that is another reason for writing, so that others can become a little more aware of their fellow human beings on a little more personal level. I hope that greater awareness will lead to greater tolerance, understanding, and compassion. Remember, just because a person does not LOOK sick, does not mean they feel OK.  They could be hurting terribly without showing it, and maybe are not able to do everything a healthy person can.

Choose to be a caring, loving human being instead of yet another selfish asshole. There are way too many assholes, and not enough kind people in the world!

My Dire-y Blog, 05/06/2015 – How much sleep can one person take?-

Slept last night from about 11:30 pm till 6:30 am. Got up, took my meds, and went back to bed for another two hours. Finally got up, really still out of it, but went downstairs (to my man-cave). I tried to get into something since I am working on a review of IP camera apps, but it did not work. I went back to bed till 12 noon. Got up, took my meds, fed the cats, and went back to bed. Finally, I got up about 4:30 pm and stayed up this time. I don’t know what happened, but I felt a lot better, after all that sleep. This is the way it goes these days sometimes. I blame it on my MMN (Multifocal Motor Neuropathy), but who knows?

Like I mentioned, I have a review blog in the works. I purchased two IP surveillance cameras, and have been having a hard time finding an app that does what I want it to do. So, I will be posting the outcome of that search for others to benefit by the information.

My Dire-y Blog, 04/25/2015, Blah…

I have ideas to share, but this has been a bad week for energy and motivation. I just don’t seem to be able to get into it. I have a medical condition called Multifocal Motor Neuropathy (MMN) which has as one of its common symptoms, severe fatigue. I hate living like this where every “waking” second is a struggle to stay awake, and every physical action is a fight. If you care, or want to know, (if I were you, which I am not, in case you hadn’t figured that out, I would not give a sh*t, or want to know…TMI), the particular brand of MMN I have is Multifocal Aquired Motor Axonopathy (MAMA). He, he…MAMA got me! Just wish the medical “beast” (in other words, the medical community) had a fricken (fricken, freakin’ fracking…?) clue what it is. They have lots of words, and few answers. Maybe next week will be better. I cannot ever predict when my day is going to be bad, or not so bad. I even have things already written and ready to publish. Just don’t feel up to it yet. Maybe tommorrow…